Counseling for the Soul in Distress by Roukema Richard W.;

Author:Roukema, Richard W.; [Roukema, Richard W.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Taylor & Francis Group
Published: 2022-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

Personality Types and the Clergy

It is important to recognize the different personality types and to appreciate the characteristics that make them unique. If you have some understanding and awareness of the possible variations in personalities, your work with congregants will be easier.

The main problem we all have in working with different people is that we begin dealing with each person in our usual accustomed style, which depends on our unique personalities. Changing our styles slightly to account for a particular personality type can make a tremendous difference in the effectiveness of our work. You cannot deal with every person the same way. Being sweet and gentle with a person with a paranoid or aggressive personality does not work well. Calming a hysterical person by speaking gently and listening helps, but you cannot deal with others in this manner and expect success.

An obsessive-compulsive personality does much better working with details. The histrionic person enjoys being in a crowd and performing. Some aggressive individuals do well raising funds for important causes, but you would not want them to deal with delicate interpersonal situations.

Tailoring the personality to the situation may take some thought, but it is a worthwhile skill to hone. In addition to following the previous advice, it is also interesting to try to get along with the various personalities that are present in any congregation. You can do this successfully by paying attention to the person and altering your involvement according to how you read him or her.

Another variation on this theme is seen in work with the elderly. Although this issue was discussed in Chapter 9, “Organic Mental Disorders,” it bears repeating. When a mother or father is of the age at which they are dependent on their adult children, a conflict situation often occurs. I have counseled many families with such problems. It is often difficult for an adult to relate to his or her aged mother by seeing her as an emotionally dependent child instead of a rational and capable adult. Often the confusion and fears of the aged are seen by adult children as real concerns that must be dealt with in concrete ways. For example, I have seen adult children try to meet each need that the parent requests, as though all requests have equal value. It is as though every parental demand must be met regardless of how impractical or irrational the demand might be. Finances must be gone over in detail, bills must be paid on a certain date, and water leaks in the house are a major tragedy. Minor concerns that were handled with dispatch at a younger age become major problems with the aged. Personality traits seen only dimly in the past now become prominent.

Sometimes elderly parents must be handled as though they were children, especially when they become senile, confused, and irrational. To manage them otherwise keeps the adult children in a constantly tense and upset state of mind. Often, the children have feelings of guilt when dealing with their parents this way and need counseling for this.

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